Remember when I had a wordpress blog?? Well I didn’t really liked the format of the posts and the themes were so lame.

I’d like to “blog” from a blogger or a Google+, but those two are banned in China and there’s no point of starting a blog if I can’t continue it.

I’m not sure if people would read my posts, but just to let you know… I’m that person that reads your blog entries, silently at 2 AM on a friday night. If you have a blog that obviously is not a facebook or youtube channel, etc, there’s a 99% chance I’ve read all your posts.

Anyhow, If you read this, I don’t need you to let me know, just… idk…

I’m very confused lately. I’ve always knew what I wanted to do with my life. As lame as it may sound, I know it since I am 4.

I “gave up” on it at 13, because there’s always someone who crushes your dreams with no mercy…. and I was afraid of that, i didn’t wanted people to discourage me.

Then I started following my 2nd dream-not so-dream: becoming a Manga editor.

Why a Manga editor and not a Mangaka? Well, I’m a mixed and that would take away the “magic” of a truly Japanese manga. Plus, I’m really uncreative and my drawings are too rough. If I ever get some Inspiration while working as an editor, then there’s a higher chance I’ll end up publishing something.

My 2nd dream was becoming head editor of Asuka Ciel  LOOOL xD that’s so lame but hey, that was my dream XD

I’ve always been a reserved person, so I don’t share my dreams with anyone because of the reasons stated above. But I’ve always been confident and I’ve always believed in myself.

It’s been 5 years since I had that dream, but I realized that what would make me truly happy was my original dream, so I started working hard to achieve it. This time nothing will put me down.

Today, some circumstances happened and i’m fighting and working hard to achieve it, but life gave me another chance.. I think this is a signal of the world.

Anyhow, I’ll be moving to Beijing in August.

Am I nervous? Of course I am. I’ve never been to Asia before and It’ll be my first time in China and I’m already loving it.

But today, something else happened. My old “Asuka Ciel head editor” dream re-appeared……….. My mom said that there’s a 90% chance that I get a scholarship for a Japanese university in Tokyo.

Now I’m truly confused, Idk what to do.

I’m seriously considering if I should follow the path that’s “already” marked for me (Beijing) or going back to mainland and live an exciting but ordinary life in Tokyo…. even if i don’t see myself as an ordinary person.

I don’t know what to do, I wish I could ask someone for advice, but people doesn’t understand me. Actually, nobody irl really knows who i am. They don’t know where I come from or who my parents are or what am I doing here, but they never asked.

And I never told them because again, I’m too afraid of being judged.

But I need to stop and just… idk, i want to go to sleep and never wake up… or well, wake up after a couple of months when all this is over lol

But what if my real destiny is becoming Asuka Ciel’s head editor?? After all, nobody likes mixed people….