05/14/13

FUUUUUUUUU~  STUPID BLOG.COM! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO GO DOWN WHEN A LOT OF SHIT IS HAPPENING IN MY LIFE AND I NEED A PLACE TO VENT?!

Anyhow… so, I gave my very first step to my new life.

Last wednesday I paid my trip to China. Well is not really a trip… as some of you may know, I’ll move to China and I’ll be living there for probably 6 months…

Now here comes the other side of the coin… I’M NOT MOVING TO BEIJING BUTGUANGZHOU INSTEAD.

Yes, I was shocked as fuck when I found out because I was reaaaally looking forward to move to Beijing… I was getting all ready, set and excited to live there and learn mandarin but no… There’s an 80% possibility I’ll move to Guangzhou, 10% Shenzhen and 10% to some other city that I can’t remember. Also, there’s an 80% possibility that I’ll end up learning canto instead of mandarin. Yeaah… It was quite a shock for me but well, even though I was a little disappointed, I still like the idea. I always wanted to learn cantonese, and also, Guangzhou is Kris’ hometown.. WHICH MEANS I CAN CREEP ON HIM 24/7 AND FOLLOW HIM WHENEVER HE VISITS LOL sasaeng mode activated jk xD but yes! Maybe I’ll get to see him irl 

And well here’s the other thing that happened. I discovered that my old Manga editor dream has resurrected from the deepest part of me. Now it has completely awakened. I feel like studying Japanese literature all over again…. but still, I dream and breathe and live music. Music is my entire life… I just love it so much and I can’t just push it over or leave it behind. I don’t know what to do, I’m seriously confused.

I have the chance to get a MOTHER FUCKING 100% FREE SCHOLARSHIP FOR ANY TOKYO UNIVERSITY I WANT but it lasts 5 fucking years, and If I get to go, I’ll be 23-24 by the time i graduate… which means, no more music for me.

Which means, waking up every day at 7 am and going to work to a lame office until 5 pm….. a super boring and monotonous life. I’m not an ordinary person. No. I AM DEFINITELY NOT.

I really want to study J-Literature and ALSO I wanna do music at the same time. I don’t lose anything with just studying it even if i don’t work in a literature related thing in the future… but even though I’m dying to go to a Japanese College and major in japanese literature, I know this dream is not “real”.

I know this isn’t what I really want… I know it deep inside me but I don’t want to accept it… I made the decision that I’ll just follow my already marked path, which is China —> Seoul ? And if after 6 months or a year I still feel like I want to become a Manga editor, then I’ll pursue it. But in the meantime, I’ll just give up on the scholarship.

If it really is in my destiny, then another similar opportunity will arise… but i highly doubt it because this life is giving me a sign.

A year ago, my mom went with me to a travel agency and I intended to buy the plane tickets for Seoul…. there was none, but there was this China trip instead. THE PRICE WAS 100 BUCKS!! I AM REALLY NOT KIDDING!! IT REALLY WAS 100 BUCKS and It was with a really reliable travel agency and all. I was so tempted to do it…

I was regretting not buying that China trip but well… everything happens for a reason, and I was glad I didn’t spent my college money on that …

Then, a few months ago I was going to buy tickets for Seoul again because I’ll graduate in a month and I already know the college I want to go and all. Again, my old fashioned mom took me to the travel agency. This one was a different one, but well the lady told me there weren’t trips for Seoul, but they had this work-study-boarding program in China. And it was cheap as fuck. I could even live there for 1 year.

After giving it a thought I really freaked out because this is the 2nd time China appears in my life. Maybe life is trying to tell me something??? So yeah, here I am today… I already decided that I’ll be going and I hope something good happens to me in China because all this signals are just too fucking much for me lol WHAT ARE U TRYING TO SAY DESTINY?! TELL ME?! GIVE ME A SIGN?!

Anyhow, wish me luck guys. I already wished myself luck.

And on a last note… since this is my last month of hs, i became 100 times lazier. I have to be at school at 7 AM and I’ve been waking up at 6:45 AM every fucking morning…. my mom is always yelling at me for this reason, so I decided I’ll become like Takahashi Misaki. He’s my inspiration because he wakes up early as fuck, cleans the house, makes breakfast, lunch, laundry, has a “quicky”with Usagi-san and then goes to college.

HOW THE FUCK IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE LMAO but well, he’s my role-model in that aspect xDD lmao I’ll follow his ways and wake up early tomorrow IF I CAN OFC, I’ll be productive as fuck and then go to school… then when I come back I can sleep or something XD I used to wake up at 4 AM do a quick work out, meditation and then go to school but then I became way too tired for that shit. I’ll try to do the same at least for this week….

BY THE WAY, MY BIRTHDAY IS IN 2 DAYS! lol it does excite me a tiny bit even though all my birthdays are lame and gross… xD

AAAAAND… THE UKE OF THE DAY IS MY ROLE-MODEL: TAKAHASHI MISAKI