I'll just be a happy whale

Good night my little pieces of heaven. I decided to start this log with a super cheesy line.

Yesterday I went to “lay down for 30 minutes” at 5 PM, after I came home from that fucking test i told you before.

Well, I woke up at 6 AM today.

Aaaand that’s why I don’t take naps.

So yeah I woke up feeling better but not quite better, I’m still tired tbh. But the good news is that I passed the fucking exam, AND THAT MEANS I’M (almost) FREE!! YESSS! That was the one exam that was holding me back but not anymore :D I have 2 more exams tomorrow but I’m sure I’m going to pass them. And well since Yesterday i slept all day and didn’t ate shit, today I woke up feeling super anxious and ended up eating 4 little marshmallow cookies, and I feel so sad and guilty and gross. I want to fucking throw up all the food I ate today.

And the worst part is that tomorrow I’m having a sleep over with friends but I don’t want to go because I’m fat and disgusting and they are all thin. I look like an elephant and they look like the elephant trainers from the circus. Yeah I look all gross and I feel terrible, like a piece of shit.

I feel so bad and disgusted I decided I need to be a happy whale.

But I wasn’t like this. I have to say that pessimistic friends and media influence made me like this. I used to like myself very much because I recently lost weight but now I realized there’s always thiner people and I’ll look bad all the time. I take care of myself while skinny people eat shit and junk yet they don’t even get fat. I hate this and I hate me most of all.

But I said I was going to write stuff i’m thankful for right? Okay here i go…

  • I’m thankful that my HUG and KISS albums just came! I just need to go to the post office to pick them up but that’s okay
  • I’m thankful that I’m a healthy person
  • I’m thankful that ALL my problems have a simple solution
  • I’m thankful for my grandparents
  • I’m thankful I have a nice singing voice
  • I’m thankful I’m not that ugly…. 
  • I’m thankful I have all my limbs 
  • I’m thankful I’m not deaf
  • I’m thankful I passed that exam

And Now I shall go to sleep.

Bye.

The UKE of the day is Yokozawa Takafumi. And yes, he is UKE.