i should follow the championism but…. it’s 2:11 AM and i’ll have to.. idek

I’M IN SO MUCH DOUBT RIGHT NOW

You all now I’m moving to China, right??? I’m moving to work there as an au pair, and I’m supposed to stay there for 6 months… but now… i don’t even know why or what i’m even doing this.

My dream is Korea. And I’ll eventually go to korea, I am supposed to go there after this 6 months but… i’m not sure if i even want to go to China anymore. I was so excited to go because it’s so different from where I live in and because I was going to live with a typical chinese family, see new places, getting paid, learn 1 or probably 2 languages (canto and mando) but now… do I really want to do it? do i? what I really want is going to Korea… and even tho i know i’ll go to korea, I feel the urge to go now, but at the same time I don’t feel ready for Korea…. yet, I don’t know if I want to go to China…. do you understand me? omg you probably don’t but I don’t even know what I’m feeling… I know China is good for me and I know I’ll have a great time and I’ll meet lots of amazing people, plus i can save the money imma get paid for when I actually move to Korea, and I can also learn some chinese, which will eventually come in handy for me when I reach Korea, but still… I don’t even know what to do or how i’m feeling…. I can still go to china but I’m considering shortening my stay from 6 to 3 months…. still, if I’m gonna get paid 200 bucks monthly, in 6 months I can make 1200!!! that’s like the price of a tuition in a korean university!! If I only stay 3 months I’m only making half, 600 and that’s not even enough… 3 months will be a waste of time and effort and money, but 6 months is a long wait… and i want korea, my body and mind are just so … craving korea, yet, my mind tells me I’m not ready.

I don’t know what to do… I don’t. Please send me a sign from the heavens, PLEASE!!

AND PLEASE LET THIS FUCKING PERIOD BLOATING AND CRAMPS GO AWAY!!!